Darkness...

I fear I've not long for this world. My roots have curled, I am brown and stick-like.

Okay, I was brown and stick-like when I got here. Tonight I'm going to a specialist. If this doesn't work, it was nice knowing you.

And on that note, I'm ratting everyone out!

Callie, you hairball shedding, toilet licking, shoe molesting beast! You haven't so much as glanced at me the entire time I've been here. The only time you even come near me is to pilfer water out of my watering can! You witch! Lady, you want to know what happened to that earring? Look in the litter box! Ms. Purrfect ate it!

Feldon, you arrogant bastard. I saw the way you looked at me. I know it was only a matter of time before you got out and use me as a toilet! Well Ha! I never gave you the satisfaction! Stupid bird...I hope your tail feathers fall out again.

PJ, my pig! You are the only cool inhabitant of this place. The voice of my band, my hall-mate and confidant. So what if you kick litter out of your cage? I don't care man, you were just keeping it real. Well you stay that way brother...or I'm coming back to kick your fuzzy butt!

Now that the gloom and doom is over, don't count me out. I'm a fighter...and we've got a gig Saturday night at KC's.

Hot!

It is hot and I am bored

Even the cat has abandoned me

My room mate stopped in for a visit this weekend, that was cool

But now I'm just hot

And I can't find the phone so I can't even start making calls about the band

They say when life give you lemons to make lemonade...okay, let me ask you how you'd feel about grabbing the vaguely spherical parts of your body and squeezing them hard enough to make liquid come out. Not quite such a helpful adage, is it?

So Not Right!

So now I learn that C.L. is in the process of moving! I spent 3 days in her bedroom and I'm not even going to tell you what ended up on one of my branches one of those nights! I guess she figured that was the safest spot for me to be with all of the stuff being brought in. Still, I would have liked more light.

My roomie, who was allegedly going to be gone for 3 months, resurfaced the Saturday after he left and he too bunked with C.L. for a few days. She worked two of them, and boy could I tell stories about what happened when she was gone...but that would go against The Code. Unless he ticks me off.

Finally things calmed down and I was put in my current location. Loving the sunshine, I have to tell you. Just have to get used to that weird cat. It's fat and it has a habit of laying on it's back in my sunbeam which is just indecent.

I'm thinking of starting a band though...gotta see who I can scare up...this might not be so bad.

What the...?

First, not a fan of the 5:30 AM car ride that got me to Ambler. I am not a morning tree, I leave that up to those A type orangies. So there I was, converting oxygen to carbon dioxide in the wee hours of the morning when I was rudely awakened by becoming airborne. Next thing I know I am in a car and C.L. is talking to me like I care!

One good thing about her babbling though, at least I knew where I was going and why. I was just about to fall back to oxygen exchange when she grabbed my pot and hit the brakes. Four dear crossed the road in front of us, talk about dumb animals. Of course C.L. was a little stressed about this, I could feel her pulse through my pot. Humans! After that I noticed we weren't zipping along like we were before the hoofed interruption, and good thing too. Less than a mile down the road another 3 of the herbivores crossed our path. Man, I thought mating season was over! Maybe they should investigate deer crossing guards.

It seems we were going to where she works, not back to her place. I was left in the nice warm, sunny car until she was ready to head home. Little did I know the adventure that would begin when I got there!

Introductions

Hello and welcome to my blog. I have recently been named Lemmy by the weird chic I'm staying with. I put up with it because she named me after Lemmy Kilmister. I'm sure she also thinks it's cute. At least she didn't go with "Lemony Snicket". That would have been unfortunate.

Great, she even has me punning now. Anyway...

I am a lemon tree...well, more of a stick at the moment, but I'll come back to that. You may be asking yourself, "How is a tree typing?" Don't think about it too hard, you might hurt yourself. I have many talents, typing is just one of them. I also play a mean bass and will kick your ass in chess.

Once upon a time I had leaves...even lemons...but that was a while ago. Now I'm running lean and mean, just my impressive 12" trunk and two branches. Crazy-Lady (let's call her C.L., I'm tired of typing that one out) gave me some awesome fertilizer yesterday so I'm thinking I may try to grow back the leaves, but you never know. I'm random.

I suppose I should explain why I'm with the chickie. Many moons ago I was living with a bunch of other cool plants and trees, just chillin' and photosynthesizing. Then one day this guy walked into my shop and the next thing I know I'm leaving through the front door, pot and all, and I've been hanging with him ever since.

He's pretty cool, likes his music loud and fast which is just my style, and takes pretty good care of me without being all mushy about it. Well, he's got a job out of town for the next 3 months so there was some question about what was going to happen with me. He'd started hanging out with this chic a few weeks before he got the news and one of them had the bright idea to have her take me in.

But it isn't all bad. She's found me a bright spot by the window. Her dumb cat leaves me alone, though sometimes shares my sunbeam. And she talks to me...it's not quite as pathetic when a girl chats me up. It's the dudes that can make me feel a little weird about it.

So that's my sitch. I decided it was time the world knew about the awesomeness that is me. Especially if C.L. kills me: Let the legend begin!